Lars and the Real Girl

This is a carryover from my old blog. It was a big favorite, so I decided to bring it with me.

Lars and the Real Girl as presented by me and my little people

Meet Lars. He is a stereotype of a young man of today’s generation. He lives in the garage of the house where his brother and sister-in-law (Gus and Karen) live. As much as Gus and Karen and people from church try to pour into Lars, he maintains his isolated existence with few or no meaningful relationships. But he can’t ignore his human desire for love…

“Hey, Lars! your brother and I want you to come over for dinner!”
“No, thanks, Karen.”
“You never come over. I’m worried.”
“I’m fine. Goodbye.”

“I’m worried about Lars.”

A few days later…”I have a girlfriend! I met her online and she is shy because she’s in a wheelchair. She was raised by nuns so we can’t sleep together. Can she stay here?”

“Meet Bianca. She used to be a missionary nurse. She is like Mother Teresa in Britney Spears’ body.”

“Dogtor, my brother is crazy! He is talking to a doll! What do we do?”
“Just go along with it. He’s just sad because your mom died.”

“Hey, townspeople. Please pretend that Bianca isn’t a sex doll and that she’s a real girl. Lars is crazy because he’s a sad orphan, and now he’s totally objectified women to create the perfect girlfriend who can never leave him.”

Bianca has been elected to the school board and she volunteers at the library, reading to small children. Everyone loves her–her schedule is full.

“I’m mad at Bianca! She never has time for me anymore. She’s so busy helping in the community. Will she abandon me, too?”

“Hi, Lars. I’m Margo from work. Bianca’s so cool. Would she mind if you came bowling with me? Just as friends. I wouldn’t ever ask you to cheat on her.”

“Even though she can’t bowl, I’m still in love with Bianca. I’ll stay with her forever even though she turned down my proposal.”

A few days later… “AAAAHHHHHH! Bianca’s sick!!! Call 911!!!”

“I’m afraid she’s very sick, Lars.”
“Yeah, she’s dying. don’t touch me–it hurts.”

“Kiss me one time, Bianca. That felt weird.”

“She’s dead. Sniff sniff.”

“Bianca touched all our lives. Amen.”

“Hey, Lars–now that Bianca is dead, do you want to go for a walk? I’m a real girl.”

The end.