Category Archives: Little People

Pamela’s Prayer

Several years ago, my college small group and I came across a movie called “Pamela’s Prayer.” We watched it together and thoroughly got the creeps. I always wanted to do a Little People rendition, and I’ve finally completed it. This is dedicated to Meredith.

Please note: I am not mocking the lifestyle or moral choices portrayed in the movie. I am simply poking fun at a movie that my small group girls and I enjoyed some laughs over.

 

Pamela’s Prayer, as portrayed by my Little People

Pamela is a sweet, Christian girl raised by her creepy widowed father who puts all his emotional energy into his daughter instead of marrying again and providing her a mother.

Pamela respects her father and doesn’t notice that he is creepy and that he thinks about her future sex life with her husband.

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Pamela is a teenage girl and longs for intimacy—thankfully not with her father, although he’d probably be okay with that, judging by how he refuses to travel for business so he can keep his legalistic promise of praying with Pamela (WITH, not over the phone, dummy!) every night before she goes to bed in her Victorian prairie chastity-belted nightgown.

Pamela’s dad tells her that kissing a boy before you’re married is practically buying yourself a one-way-whore-ticket to hell—if she really loves and honors her future husband, she’ll save her lips. After all, how would she like to have to explain to him that she actually kissed another boy when she was 16? Tramp.

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Pamela wants to obey her dad, but temptation is strong. Sadly, her friend does fall into temptation and either gets pregnant from kissing a boy or is just really devastated because she kissed a boy. Let this be an ambiguous warning to all young women who think they want to kiss a boy!

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Coincidentally, Pamela’s grandfather retires from the family business of librarying Christian films, with classics such as . This means Pamela’s dad has to hire someone to help out. Gee, is there anyone out there who could meet his standards?

There is! Not only is he cute and a Christian and weirdly interested in Christian movies, but HE ALSO BELIEVES KISSING BEFORE MARRIAGE IS WRONG. See? God does answer prayers.

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Of course this cutie and Pamela fall in love, and he asks Pamela’s dad permission to marry her. And then he asks Pamela to marry him, right in front of the dad, because what woman could think of a more romantic proposal than one that involves her dad who, again, has been thinking of her future sex life for years?

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You wish the movie ended here:

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Instead, it ends here:

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Personal testimony

This is another carryover from my old blog. It’s a bit outdated, as it’s pre-children, but I just thought it might help you get to know me better and understand my perspective.

When I was young and would hear crazy testimonies in high school youth group, I used to wish that I hadn’t grown up in a Christian home; I thought that I would understand God’s love so much better if I had lived the rebel life and had a radical conversion.

For a while, I tried to go through a rebellious phase to see what that was all about and to see if I could dance the line ending in a Prodigal Son homecoming. Pathetically, I was a rather timid rebel and didn’t really do much.

But then my parents died in a car accident when I was 20.

That really shook my faith, and I was so angry at God that I turned my back on Him and all the wonderful friends and family who loved me and wanted me to turn toward God for healing.

After years of rebelling in my own way, I heard God calling me–wooing me–and I did have that Homecoming I always dreamed of; my friends and family were there to welcome me back and celebrate that God’s hand had never left me.

But sometimes I really struggled understanding that God really did love me. I believed lies that God didn’t really want to forgive my years of rebellion and angry heart. I sometimes believed I would have to earn God’s Grace and convince Him that he made a good choice in loving me. But then He gave me the most wonderful gift: Rockstar! Rockstar loves me with the constant love of God and has been the biggest influence in my life teaching my about God’s beautiful Grace.

Lars and the Real Girl

This is a carryover from my old blog. It was a big favorite, so I decided to bring it with me.

Lars and the Real Girl as presented by me and my little people

Meet Lars. He is a stereotype of a young man of today’s generation. He lives in the garage of the house where his brother and sister-in-law (Gus and Karen) live. As much as Gus and Karen and people from church try to pour into Lars, he maintains his isolated existence with few or no meaningful relationships. But he can’t ignore his human desire for love…

“Hey, Lars! your brother and I want you to come over for dinner!”
“No, thanks, Karen.”
“You never come over. I’m worried.”
“I’m fine. Goodbye.”

“I’m worried about Lars.”

A few days later…”I have a girlfriend! I met her online and she is shy because she’s in a wheelchair. She was raised by nuns so we can’t sleep together. Can she stay here?”

“Meet Bianca. She used to be a missionary nurse. She is like Mother Teresa in Britney Spears’ body.”

“Dogtor, my brother is crazy! He is talking to a doll! What do we do?”
“Just go along with it. He’s just sad because your mom died.”

“Hey, townspeople. Please pretend that Bianca isn’t a sex doll and that she’s a real girl. Lars is crazy because he’s a sad orphan, and now he’s totally objectified women to create the perfect girlfriend who can never leave him.”

Bianca has been elected to the school board and she volunteers at the library, reading to small children. Everyone loves her–her schedule is full.

“I’m mad at Bianca! She never has time for me anymore. She’s so busy helping in the community. Will she abandon me, too?”

“Hi, Lars. I’m Margo from work. Bianca’s so cool. Would she mind if you came bowling with me? Just as friends. I wouldn’t ever ask you to cheat on her.”

“Even though she can’t bowl, I’m still in love with Bianca. I’ll stay with her forever even though she turned down my proposal.”

A few days later… “AAAAHHHHHH! Bianca’s sick!!! Call 911!!!”

“I’m afraid she’s very sick, Lars.”
“Yeah, she’s dying. don’t touch me–it hurts.”

“Kiss me one time, Bianca. That felt weird.”

“She’s dead. Sniff sniff.”

“Bianca touched all our lives. Amen.”

“Hey, Lars–now that Bianca is dead, do you want to go for a walk? I’m a real girl.”

The end.