Several years ago, my college small group and I came across a movie called “Pamela’s Prayer.” We watched it together and thoroughly got the creeps. I always wanted to do a Little People rendition, and I’ve finally completed it. This is dedicated to Meredith.
Please note: I am not mocking the lifestyle or moral choices portrayed in the movie. I am simply poking fun at a movie that my small group girls and I enjoyed some laughs over.
Pamela’s Prayer, as portrayed by my Little People
Pamela is a sweet, Christian girl raised by her creepy widowed father who puts all his emotional energy into his daughter instead of marrying again and providing her a mother.
Pamela respects her father and doesn’t notice that he is creepy and that he thinks about her future sex life with her husband.
Pamela is a teenage girl and longs for intimacy—thankfully not with her father, although he’d probably be okay with that, judging by how he refuses to travel for business so he can keep his legalistic promise of praying with Pamela (WITH, not over the phone, dummy!) every night before she goes to bed in her Victorian prairie chastity-belted nightgown.
Pamela’s dad tells her that kissing a boy before you’re married is practically buying yourself a one-way-whore-ticket to hell—if she really loves and honors her future husband, she’ll save her lips. After all, how would she like to have to explain to him that she actually kissed another boy when she was 16? Tramp.
Pamela wants to obey her dad, but temptation is strong. Sadly, her friend does fall into temptation and either gets pregnant from kissing a boy or is just really devastated because she kissed a boy. Let this be an ambiguous warning to all young women who think they want to kiss a boy!
Coincidentally, Pamela’s grandfather retires from the family business of librarying Christian films, with classics such as . This means Pamela’s dad has to hire someone to help out. Gee, is there anyone out there who could meet his standards?
There is! Not only is he cute and a Christian and weirdly interested in Christian movies, but HE ALSO BELIEVES KISSING BEFORE MARRIAGE IS WRONG. See? God does answer prayers.
Of course this cutie and Pamela fall in love, and he asks Pamela’s dad permission to marry her. And then he asks Pamela to marry him, right in front of the dad, because what woman could think of a more romantic proposal than one that involves her dad who, again, has been thinking of her future sex life for years?
You wish the movie ended here:
Instead, it ends here: